just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
