My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
