when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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