NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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