He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
as a side note pls kill me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
