Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
