Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
nutella sex= disaster
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
