so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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