I have demons in me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
