I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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