If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
