After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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