I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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