Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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