At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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