I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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