If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
