If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
