Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
