Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
