I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
