so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
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I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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