If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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