Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
