I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
