I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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