'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
