I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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