idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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