In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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