So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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