i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
