if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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