apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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