Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
