How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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