were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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