I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
