You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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