My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
