Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
