Sry I called you an 8
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
