you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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