Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
