Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
