That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
