remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
