You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
