In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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