I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
