You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
