Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize