Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
