He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
