You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
