I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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