allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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