I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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