Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry about my life...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
