My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
