We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
