I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
