I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
