Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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