He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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