He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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