It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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