ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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