yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
