I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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