i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
