we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
